Fighters Say the Darndest Things: GSP

"I was not impressed with your performance"

TO MATT HUGHES

The fact that he said this to Matt Hughes makes it all the more wonderful!!  You tell him GSP!!

Awww... New Baby Carwin...

Yesterday Shane Carwin sent the following out to his fan community:

"It still is a little shocking but today is the day Alexis Carwin arrives. Lani is overdue but still at the mail store mailing a signed Tee that I gave away:). Later today we will be induced and then our family becomes a little bigger.



As a father of one kid, I know how these events can change us forever. My wife is a wonderful woman and has been an amazing friend and parental influence on my Son Kam I am certain that she will be a great parent to Lexi. We are truly blessed by this situation and appreciate you guys, our friends, family and fans.


I may be a little MIA over the next few days helping get everyone situated. Please send Lani your best thoughts and wishes and we will post pics as soon as we can.


Thanks for all of your support.


-Shane"

Back in the Day: Fedor Emelianenko

Fedor Emelianenko

Photo Courtesy of Middle Easy

Photo Courtesy of Middle Easy

Photo Courtesy of Middle Easy

I always think it's fun to see pictures of Baldos before they lost their hair...

He has never been very intimidating, has he?  Well maybe a little in that top picture...

Yeah Yeah Dude Looks Like a Laaaady: BJ Penn

From Bald to Long Flowing Locks I give you:

Barbara Jean (BJ) "The Shopping Prodigy" Penn

It's too bad BJ didn't have a twin Sister, she would have been attractive... FOR A DRAG QUEEN!!!

hahahaha... fun fun fun.

Wes, the phone is for you... it's your WAKE UP CALL

Yoinked from MMA Spot

Okay, so this one made me actually laugh out loud.  This stinkin Wes Sims vs Tim Sylvia got the red light from the Ohio State Athletic commission...

"The commission felt the fight was not going to be competitive at this time after comparing [Sims' and Sylvia's] records and the opponents both fighters had faced. And even though it was 2004, Sylvia previously stopped Sims at 1:36 of the first round."

(Watch Kalib Run)

hahaha... Yeah, you're non competative with a doof who got knocked out by an over the hill boxer in NINE SECONDS.  Well one thing is for sure, we should thank the Ohio Athletic Commission for sparing us this miserable excuse of a fight.

So Wes, I have some advice.  Call up Jenny Craig and maybe after a year of sticking with the program you will be able to be competative with the Muffin Top Extrordinaire!!

I wish you well you silly silly boy!

Fighters Say the Darndest Things: Forrest Griffin

"I was a bit worried about my inflamed vagina coming into this fight."

Yeah Forrest, it's a common concern among male fighters these days. 

Bonner is planning some stuff, yeah, that's right...

According to MMA Mania Stephan Bonnar might have something up his sleeve... but then again, he may not.

"He’s a well-rounded veteran with a lot of experience. He’s a strong guy. I’ve got some stuff planned for him. I’ve got to do certain things when the time’s right and fight smart. It’s just as important as my last fight and probably just as important as all the ones that are yet to come. It’s do-or-die. That’s how it feels, but that’s how it feels every time I go out there. I really haven’t felt any pressure until this last week. I’m going to do what I do every fight and go 100 percent and fight my ass off."

Well I have to admit, I am a little curious as to what "stuff he has planned" for Krzysztof.  I'm kinda hoping it's not dinner and a movie, Krzysztof doesn't seem like a conventional type of guy.  Maybe for their special moment they can go paintball sniper attack children getting off of buses.  That sounds more his speed...

So here's the deal according to me:

Stephan participated in the fight that broke MMA into mainstream. The TUF 1 Finale was out of this world.  While the technical aspect of fighting was all but lost in his fight with Forrest, he helped foster a love affair with thousands and thousands of viewers.  That fight was an all out slug fest, both fighters were bammin' until the end.  For that reason alone Stephan will not be let go for a while... his longevity would be increased if he would go ahead and win already!! 

Back in the Day: Kevin Ferguson

Photo Courtesy of Middle Easy

Before the days of "Kimbo" there was Kevin.  wow.  You just can't win with him!

Mirko Speaks...

Yoinked from UFC Media

I have to say, I have always been a Mirko CroCop fan.  I don't know why, but I'm guessing it has something to do with his shorts.  I mean, generally I deteste Cops (No Forrest, not you) but for some reason this cop in checkered Boxer-breifs has won my heart. 

"Ben Rothwell is a big guy, much bigger and taller than I am.  He is very tough as well. But I am ready. He is very good with ground and pound, but I am not worried about this. I am ready if it goes to the ground. But I do not think it will go to the ground. I think this will be a stand-up battle, the Fight of the Night.

I am taking one fight at a time. But I don't think anyone in the division should be underestimating me. I am not someone who should be underestimated. I have not had the results in my last fights, but I am still the man who won titles, won in PRIDE, and did what I did. It isn't clever business to underestimate me."

This quote, however, take a Dubya like turn at the end... moral of the story?

Don't underestimate him.

Side Note:  I may have died laughing if he would have thrown a "misunderestimated" in there...

Biting the Hand that Feeds Him: Heath Herring

"I really don't care too much for them, and I don't think they care too much for me (Dana White and the UFC ownership group).... They've got their guys they want to push, guys they want to market. Randy Couture, Brock Lesnar and Frank Mir are the guys they want to push and market. The problem is if you're one of the guys who's not one of their favorites, they want to keep you out of the competition.... I'm trying to make money for myself, feed my family, and these guys are trying to do everything they can to make it impossible for me.... With the way the UFC's pay scale is and as much as it costs me to get ready for a fight, at the end of the day I made like 40 grand.... If I was getting a little more money and it was worth my while I'd get back into fighting. But right now I'm making more in movies. I've got to look out for number one as far as that goes.... These guys are literally making money off our blood, sweat and tears. We don't get any health insurance. If you get hurt training for a fight, you're screwed. It's really kind of crazy.... Dana White's got six Ferraris. Hell, I just want one."

Props to MMA Mania for the quote

He looks so sweet and unassuming in that pic, it's hard to picture him being a whine-ass.  I mean if it was justified I would jump on the whinin' train.  I can whine with the best of them, so he would have a professional on his side.  However, Herring has gone 2-3 in the UFC and his 2 wins came by way of decision.  Boo. 

He likens himself to Randy Couture... um yeah, you're the Texas Crazy Horse, not Captain America (who is 15-7 in the UFC-- 3 subs, 5 dec, and 7 TKOs).  You aren't anywhere near his calibur.  He also compared himself to Frank Mir (11-4 in the UFC-- 7 sub, 1 KO, 1 TKO, 1 des, 1DQ) and Brock Lesnar (3-1 in the UFC--2 TKO, 1 dec).  Are you noticing a pattern here?  I know I am! 

I say he should get to fight his way back up the ranks just like everyone else and prove his legitimacy.  I mean, there really isn't a good excuse for not letting Herring fight.  I mean, Chris Lytle is 6-9 in the UFC and they still let him fight...

I think that after this pissy pants outburst Herring will be getting his walking papers pretty soon.  We have to give him credit though.  At least he didn't pull a Kalib Starnes and dance around the Octagon to get fired...

Yeah Yeah Dude Looks Like a Laaaady: Randy Couture

Installment Number Three:

Randi "The Natural Beauty" Couture

::purrrr::  Sexy Momma!!

I'm baaaack!!

Sorry I have been pretty AWOL lately.  I have been quite busy with a sick bambino and making up some crafty Valentines for her class party, but I have started to recover from the onslaught of crazy, so let's go!!

Let's start with the latest to get their walking papers...

MMA Mania brought the sad news to us all that two UFC'ers have been sent a'packing.

Poor little fainting nurse Phillipe Nover is out.  Maybe this will give him some time to figure out why he can't stay concious. 

Also Sexy Eyes Trigg is out.

...and So is Mark Coleman :(

Poor guys!

Fighters Say the Darndest Things: The Joe Rogan Edition

“Well you see, Brazilian JiuJitsu Blackbelts have a blackbelt in…… Brazilian JiuJitsu”
*Um, yup, that is a valid assumption.

“A lot of times, you beat a person who beat a person who can beat you. I mean, it doesn’t make any sense.”
*Things will seem much clearer when you aren't stoned.  Just give it a few hours man.


“Rampage looks so calm. Like hes going to the grocery store to meet some friends.”
*Yeah, you're totally right.  I bet Rampage chills at his local Price Chopper every Friday night.  Werd.

"If Tyson Griffin was a girl, I’d say he has a badonkadonk.”
*hahaha... you totally admitted you think his tush is attractive!  Don't worry, I would agree.

Tito has Officially Tipped the Douchebag Scales...

Dana says:
"Tito’s calling out (Mark) Coleman when he’s fighting Chuck (Liddell). I don’t even know what to say to that. That’s Tito. Guy just loses in the most important fight of his life. This meant more to Coleman than anything, to fight Randy Couture and beat him. He loses, he’s standing up there doing an interview and Tito’s screaming sh-- at him. Tito’s back."

Tito's Rebuttal?
titoortiz: coleman said some stuff about my family. So I said "pay backs a bitch". That was it. I will defend my family every time.
(via Twitter)

Well if it's true that Coleman was talking shit about Titos family I will down his douchebagdom by 3 notches.  Knowing Tito, he took it to a level that he didn't need to.  I mean, he could have left the shit talking on the back burner for at least 15 mins after the fight...

Back in the Day: Lyoto Machida

Lyoto Machida

Photo Courtesy of Middle Easy

Here we see Little Toyota when he really was little!!  I'm thinking he wasn't so much "The Dragon" here as "The Gecko".  Orrrrr maybe he is just channeling his inner Mushu (come on, don't even try to deny that you still watch Mulan)

Those are some nice shorts... some nice, strategically poofed, fancy pants shorts...

Yeah Yeah Dude Looks Like a Laaaady: Wanderlei Silva

For your viewing pleasure I present: 

Wanderlina "The Jealous Bitches Murderer" Silva

We arrrre Liiiive: UFC 109

First Up:
Guillard vs. Torres

Round 1:
Hahahaha... Jungle Boy.  That is pretty classy, I'm not gonna lie.
Boo-- I don't like blondie. (WooWoo Arianny!)
Torres looks like he's trying to do the flying Russian.  And the flying russian takes douchy down!
Torres took him down again.
But guillard went all ninja on him.
Flying knee!  Looove it!
And I believe that was a dancing back fist, not a spinning back fist.
Damn, knee to the face by Guillard, but he got taken down for the third time tonite!
BAM BAM BAM.  I'm loving the exchange
::clack::clack::clack::

HAHAHAHAHA... Ice in the Octagon.  Joe just play by played the ice pick up.  They just did a replay in slow motion of the ice bag breaking.  He is so intense about this dang ice. 
"The zambonie is off the ice" hahahaha... WTF Mike??

Round 2:
Way to go, thrown him around!
Stop it Melvin.  I'm gonna tell your Momma.
Sorry, I'mfinishing up the predictions.  I'm being boring.
Melvin is married??  Who would do that??
Kimaura his shit Torres!!
::CLACK::CLACK::CLACK::

Round 3:
I love me some Brazillian booty!
Guillard's ass sponsor hs peeling off... mayhaps he tooted something fierce?
They keep talking about Melvin's wrestling background, and yet he is being taken down at will. 
I hate that show boating.  Keep beating him Torres!!
::clack::clack::clack::

Unanimous Decision: Guillard

Bad decision.  Boo.

Danzig vs. Buchholtz
Round 1:
I hope Danzig wins.  Let's make this exciting.  Pleassse?
Mom says "That boy in the black tights doesn't kick much does he?" hahahaha...
My 6 year old is rooting for "blue tights man"
Danzig rocked.. Nooo!
"Well that's not very nice, he was kicking with his leg"
"I agree Mom, it's much nicer when they kick with their hands..." hahahaha
::clack::clack::clack::

Round 2:
Dishing out snacks, come on over!
My cat Gertrude is hogging Josh.  I am not impressed. 
Mac Danzig took him down.  We need more of that.
Noooo... crankin on the shoulder of Danzig.  I don't like this!
::phew:: Well that was a premature phew, it almost happened again.
BEAT THE HELL OUT OF HIM DANZIG!
CHOKE HIS SHIT, SNAP SOMETHING!
Damn, that excitement is over.
::clack::clack::clack::

This is not my happy face.  My darling Jonny Jones got DQ's for those elbows.  Mayhaps some consistency would be nice...

Round 3:
Stuffing my face.  This chicken wing dip is wonderful.
Danzig is dominating... woot!
For once I agree with the stand up
Danzig still looks fresh.  I'm lovin this!!!
UP THE BUTT CHOKE!!! But it doesn't take. 
Darn it, but I think Danzig won.
::clack::clack::clack::
My Mom is so silly:
"Are the even allowed to do that?  He's choking him.  Do they agree to do that???" Yeah Mom, they do, it's a submission. "Well that seems to be in bad taste.  He is fighting dirty.  That doesn't seem fair."

Unan. Decision (29-28) Danzig!!!!

Serra vs. Trigg
I am very excited for this fight, enough of this jabber, let's get to the beatin'!
Trigg has sexy eyes.  Aw, he's not a baldo.  I kinda  like him with hair, it's a nice look for him.
Oh no he di'int... Rocky Bitches!!
Joshy and I are sitting here all adorable cleaning our glasses together.  We're bonding.

Round 1: 
Serra looks like I photo shopped him to be shorter than he actually is.
And my stupid cat is back... On an unrelated note, where her tail meets her back is baldo, it's pretty funny.  Now back to the fights...
ROCKED!
TRIGG IS KTFO!!
Wonderful!  I am so happy to see that!  Serra just gave a shout out to his little girl... awwwww...
Done at 3:26 of the first round.  Rock.
"I have a feeling there is a big bowl of pasta on the plate tonight" WTF Goldie??

Maia vs. Miller
Represent Whippany... Suburban Propane headquarters are there.  Just so you know.
Dan Miller has chest fuzz.. ::purrrrrrr::
So I think Dana should get some Suicide Girls to be Octagon Girls
Round 1:
Holy bammin Maia...
Rogan called the Millers "savages".  Wow.  Drama King.
Miller we taken down but managed to get up.
Nut shot!!!!!
::clack::clack::clack::
Round 2:
Maia is supposed to be a sub. specialist, but he is rockin the standup tonight.
I'm kinda bored here.  Maia is def. winning.
I want to see someone get subbed.
::clack::clack::clack::

Joe said "potty mouth" I am in love. 
Where is Chuck's mohawk???

Round 3:
Josh loses.  Maia didnt' win in second round.
Maia is on the ground, I think he skilled.
Now Maia has Miller on his back.  Maybe I will get my sub after all...
And Miller is up.
And Down.
::yawn::
"The odds of catching Demian Maia in a submission are about the same as getting hit in the head with a meteor... not so good"  Good analogy Rogan.
::clack:clack::clack::

Maia via una decision.
PS: This is his first win in the UFC not by Submission

It looks like the UFC has gotten on board with Google Earth, this is quite the teaser for upcoming fights.  I think my daughter may have sumbled on some of those locations today when she was playing on Google...

Stann vs. Davis
Round 1:
Stann is a bit spaztic
Davis is wearing pampers, whats up?
Stann did a superfanduper job at not getting taken down...
Davis had a nice takedown.  Right into side control.
Stann has just about gove up his back
RNC anyone?? Nope, Stann flipped to his back.
RNC again???
::clack::clack::clack::
Phew that was close

Round 2:
Davis with the kick kick kick
Davis with the takedown
Davis has mounted Stann. Uh oh.
Stann is flatened out... again. Deja Vu.
Davis is dominating, let's just end it already.
Huge knees from the top from Davis. That looks painful.
::clack::clack::clack::

Round 3:
Davis takes Stann down again.  Big surprise!
There really is no need to report on this anymore.  Davis is just dominating.
He dominates the ground, the stand up, the everything.
::clack::clack::clack::
Wicked arm bar, but no tap....
Unan. Decision Davis

Swick vs. Thiago
Let's hope this is a quick one.  I want to see devistation.
Round 1:
Swick is such a lanky fella.
Swick looks like a kitty batting at a feather.
Thiago has some pretty impressive kicks.
I am sooo stinkin tired.
Swick takes it to the ground...
::clack::clack::clack::

Round 2:
Swick gets knocked down and choked out  by Thiago.
Swick is sleeping!!!
Finally, there is my submission!

I am done posting tonight.  Too... tired... to... type...

Predictions: UFC 109

UFC 109 airs tonight on PPV.  Prelims start at 9 and will be aired on Spike... enjoy!!

All of these loverly photos were yoinked from MMA Junkie

205 lbs.: Mark Coleman vs. Randy Couture

His: Couture-- He is the more complete fighter and has evolved his skills far beyong being just a wrestler.  Colemand hasn't.  He's callin TKO... The fight will go past the first round, but beyond that Josh has a fear of comittment.

Hers: Couture-- I'm on Team Captain America too.  Mostly becuase he has been waay more impressive in his last few fights than Coleman has.  Coleman needs to really really call it quits.  As someone wise said in my car today "Just because you can doesn't mean you should."

185 lbs.: Nate Marquardt vs. Chael Sonnen

His: Marquardt-- They are both well rounded, but Marquart has beaten and finished more top fighters to get where he is.  TKO Round 1.  That's all he wrote, folks!

Hers: Marquardt-- Sonnen tips the scales of Douchebagdom and is only rivaled on this card by Mister Melvin.  He needs to understand that just becuase he thinks he is a big deal doesn't actually make him a big deal.  Do my bidding Marquardt.

170 lbs.: Paulo Thiago vs. Mike Swick

His: Swick-- He will get a TKO in the later rounds, they are both good strikers but Swick has the edge.

Hers: Swick-- I don't know why, when, or how.  For some reason I just like Swick.  It's not that I don't like Thiago, I just like swick more.

185 lbs.: Demian Maia vs. Dan Miller

His: Maia- He thinks Maia will go back to his roots of BJJ to avoid exchanging with Miller.  Submission in the second round.

Hers: Maia-- I swear I'm not copying Josh, I swear!!  I just want him to win becuase I remember him fighting up in Montreal.  I remember his name in lights and I'm not gonna lie, I didn't hate it.

170 lbs.: Matt Serra vs. Frank Trigg

His: Serra-- Joshdoesn't really have a reason why he picks Serra, I personally think he's cheating by picking my fighters, but he is willing to bet it's going to decision.

Hers:Serra-- I really like Serra ever since he picked GSP up for a victoy lap after he lost up in Monrteal... Lets Go Serra!!!

155 lbs.: Mac Danzig vs. Justin Buchholz

His:Danzig-- he needs the win.

Hers:  Danzig-- I adore this little vegan warrior.  He has got to win or Dana will give him the boot.

155 lbs.: Melvin Guillard vs. Ronnys Torres

His: Guillard-- He has more Octagon experience, and is showing a new found discipline/

Hers: Torres-- Guillard is a doucebag.  We all know how I feel about douchebags. 

185 lbs.: Rob Emerson vs. Phillipe Nover

His: Emerson- He is more aggressive and should be able to knock the fainting nurse out.

Hers: Emerson- I just seriously dislike the shades.  Pull a few more stunts like that and I might have to start giving you a douche rating.

205 lbs.: Brian Stann vs. Phil Davis

His: Stann-He is much more experienced and has well rounded skills.  He is a former WEC Champ.  He should take it.

Hers: I vote Stann too.  I don't know why, but I really don't need a good reason why.

265 lbs.: Tim Hague vs. Chris Tuchscherer

His: Tuchscherer-- Josh picks him to be contrary.  I hate that.

Hers:Hague.  I don't like Tuchscherer, he reminds me of a baby Brock.  Hague, you have to take care of him to show Josh that I know my stuff!

265 lbs.: Rolles Gracie vs. Joey Beltran

His: Gracie- He is a Gracie, need I say more?

Hers:Ditto

Captionized: Joe Stevenson

Now Joe, I told you that if you ran with scissors you would get hurt.  It's only blood.  Be a big boy.

Mayhem is Totally Badass...

He trains with complete animals!

hahahahaha!!  And this is one of the many reasons why I love Mayhem.

Don't judge me.  It's Friday afternoon, I haven't had my afternoon break and I wanna go home.

Waaaaaa..... 

::RING::RING::RING:: New York, It's for you...

The following is my dramatic interpretation of me evesdropping on a phone call from Wisconsin to NY:

"Hello, NY?  Yeah, what's up?  It's Wisconsin.  How've you been?  What?  Really??  Well guess what?  Toady I sanctioned MMA... #43 SUCKA!!  You should try it.  All the cool states are doing it!"

::END SCENE::

UFC 115 Update

MMA Frenzy is saying that UFC's debut in Vancouver might hold the ::hopefully:: final installment of Chuck vs. Tito in June.  For me, this fight is just one step up from the Couture vs. Coleman fight in Retire Already ratings. 

I mean Tito has lost to Chuck twice already... not by decision either, Chuck TKO'd him TWO TIMES.  Let's play devil's advocate and bring up Rampage vs. Wanderlei.  I know Wanderlei knocked Rampage out twice and came back years later just to get knocked out, but I'm hoping that Chuck is amped up by the stupid comments and will make it a hat trick. 

Both fighters are coming off losses.  Chuck has lost 4 of his last 5 fights, and Tito has only won 1 of his last 5 fights (3 loss, 1 draw) so they each have something to prove.  I just hope Chuck proves it harder.

Oh Tito, even your boss knows you're a liar...

Photo yoinked from Perez Hilton

Watch Kalib Run reported today that Dana White is calling Tito out... Liar Liar Pants on Fire!!

Not that we would expect anything less from the Huntington Beach Badboy... I mean, he wouldn't be much of a bad boy if he was truthful, now would he?? 

So here's the scoop:

"It's not true. I never stepped in and had an intervention for Chuck Liddell, and he never went to rehab or anything like that. Tito says some crazy stuff sometimes, you know? Chuck Liddell is not drinking. He stopped drinking to get ready for this fight.



Chuck hates Tito. He doesn't understand why I brought him back. He doesn't think he belongs here."


As everyone is pointing out Dana remarks that Chuck has "stopped drinking to get ready for this fight".  I dont' see what the big deal is...  Apparently no one has ever seen TUF before.  I kinda thought it was common knowledge that men drink.  Guess what?  Women drink too!  I just don't get it.  I mean, it makes sense that you wouldn't binge drink every night when you're training for a fight, but there's nothing wrong with throwing a few back now and then. 

NEWS FLASH: Chuck Liddell is over 21.  He's legal.

I really really hope Chuck knocks Tito's hair black :) hahaha...  Honestly, it's laughable that Tito would bring up Chuck's partying.  Let's not forget that Tito is the boob who knocked up a porn star.  Not to mention he makes kissy lips in waaaay too many photos...

Twit Twit Twittering Updates:

On my daily Twitter trek I came across a few Gems:

LawlorMMA: For the 6 people who have asked, it looks like ill be fighting again in May!

about 15 hours ago from web

@johnquoma I know who I'm fighting and when and where in May. Haven't signed the contract cuz I'm out of town, so can't say

about 13 hours ago from web in reply to johnquoma

Yeah Yeah Dude Looks Like a Laaady...Anderson Silva

So I get pretty bored at night, so I watch Lifetime.  Well in the middle of Project Runway they told me I should go to MyLifetime.com so like the loyal consumer I am, I did.

I got inspired.  They have a little thingy on there were you can make yourself over, so I thought to myself "Self, if they think I need a makeover, maybe I'm not alone." So I decided that I'm not.  I came up with the genious idea that I should make male fighters into women... woo hoo!!

Over the next few weeks I will chronical my hysterical results...

First up is.... ::drumroll:please:: ...

Andrea "Ew, Look it's a Spider" Silva!!!

hahahahaha... B-E-A-U-tiful!!

Fighters Say the Darndest Things: Chris Leben

Photo yoinked from UDirt

"We're gonna hand out beatings and lollipops....looks like we're out of lollipops"

Awwww.. it looks like you forgot to mention that you were also handing out hugs....

Fighters Say the Darndest Things: Phil Baroni

Photo Courtesy ofMMA Weekly

"I fight because I can't sing, I can't dance, and it beats working all day. Now ask me a question that doesn't sound so fucking stupid."

Fighters Say the Darndest Things: Ken Shamrock

Photo yoinked from MMA Live

"I am very confident this fight can go either way."

Hey, Ken... Me too.

Three Cheers Revoked: Herschel Walker

Okay, so word on the street is Herschel Walker was donating his 6 figure purse to a charity. 

FALSE

Yeah, that's the face I made too...

He didn't have a six figure purse, but his purse did have the figure 6 in it.  His fight earned his charity a measly $600.  Really? That's it!!  Ya know what would get your three cheers back is if you donate 1/2 the earnings you got from your sponsor-laden shorts. 

That's right mister, I'm callin you out.  Psh, $600??  I mean it's better than $60, but I kind of have the feeling that you wipe your tush with hundreds...

For your shallow shallow pockets I revoke two of the three cheers I gave you.  Ha. Ha.

Tattoo of the Week: Jon Fitch

So this week's tattoo of the week comes to us via Twitter...
(Man oh man, how did the world of MMA stay up to date before the days of Twitter? )

Okay, so he could totally kick my butt, but this tattoo looks like something I would get tattoo'd on me.  A smilng skull with hearts and swirls?  It's totally cute.... yeah, cute. 

Bail Me Out: Kevin Randleman

So Kevin Randleman is a pretty funny guy to research.  He is "before my time" (which isn't hard to do because "my time" started around the time of UFC 78 back in September 2007...) but I sure am bummed that I didn't experience his shenanigans in real time.

Let's start off with his Japanese Pro Wrestling name:

The Chocolate Milkshake

Random Pondering: I wonder if he came out to "Ice Ice Baby" ::cue::theme::music::

Now, let's move on to a new level of stupid:

After his loss to Shogun back in 2006 he provided a urine sample to NSAC for drug testing.  Seems pretty normal, right?

...his sample was non-human.  What the hell?!?!  Did he really think that he could get away with providing a non human sample??  Wow.  You can't write fiction this entertaining.  This leads me to wonder did he provide them with a sample of chocolate milkshake??  I mean, that would eliminate the need to label the sample, how many "Chocolate Milkshakes" were fighting that night??  My guess is not too many...

The Stupid Gets Thicker...

So during his year suspension he decided to go party it up, I mean what is a party without a Chocolate Milkshake??

According to MMA Weekly he was arrested just south of Las Vegas for a myriad of things:

DUI, Speeding, Driving Without a Valid License, Intimidating a Public Officer, Malicious Destruction of Public Property, and others.

Oh pishay, there were others... What else could he possibly have done? 

hmmm... I wonder what he has been up to lately??  It seems highly unlikely that he has been a good boy all these years. 

Mental Note: look into this deeper.

*Warning*

Do not proceed if you are skeeved out easily...

It is pretty nasty...

You have been warned.

And on an unrelated note:

He had one of the nastiest staph infections I have ever seen....

Yet another Stupid Snippitt from Wes Simms...

Photo Courtesy of  MMA Spot

Okay, so Wes Simms is a clown and should have one of those "handlers" that Dubya had.  Come to think of it, so should his corner.  Really, I think it would be to their benefit. 

First, let's start off with the less outrageous.  MMA Junkie reported that even though Wes is a doofus he really thought he could win.  The statement that he gave to MMA Junkie included this gem:

"He took the fight because he thought he could win and expose Lashley," Pavia said. "Those factors motivated him to take the fight. He came to win the fight. Yeah, it was the biggest payday of his career, but that's not why he took the fight. He took it because he legitimately thought he could win, and if he won, all of the sudden – what was he, +700 (a 7-to-1 underdog)? If he wins, his career turns around overnight just like that."

Of course that's why he took the fight.  I mean, he was in top physical condition, so it was obvious that he had been training very diligently.  He was also very serious about the press leading up to the fight.  And his behavior post-fight sure showed the discipline he has as a fighter.  I mean, it's not like he made racist remarks that included accusations of steroids.

Which brings us to:

"Hell no. Have you seen one of my fights? I haven't tapped - period. I've got limbs broke, I've been rendered unconscious. But I ain't tapped. Why'd the ref do it? It was two on one tonight. They didn't want me to beat him. He need to go back to being a security guard. 'Cause he ain't got the skills to be a pro wrestler. He ain't got the look. He's just a big juiced up monkey. He should go back to being a security guard. He ain't got the MMA skills."

Let me dissect the stupidity:

He hasn't tapped- period. Um... okay.  I didn't know you were accused of tapping.  As I recall it, this was a ref stoppage.  If I'm not mistaken you you have been KO/TKO'd a total of 5 times and submitted 3 times.  Just like here... TKO.

Why'd the ref do it? You were getting punched so hard your head was fusing with the matt, that's why.

They didn't want me to beat him. That's right Wes, it's a conspiracy.  You were going win.  You were completely dominating the fight.  Leave it to the man to keep ya' down.

... he ain't got the skills to be a pro wrester.  He aint got the look. Um, Wes... This was an MMA competition, not pro wrestling.  I dont' know if you knew that.  I mean, your antics do lend themselves to Pro Wrestling... maybe that explains it.

He's just a big juiced up monkey. Whoa, whoa, whoa... hold the phones.  Really Wes?? Out of the tens of animal names you have in your vocab you chose monkey... to describe a black man... really?  Even after this black man whooped your ass?  Ooookay. Do you know there are more effective ways of ruining your career and/or getting yourself killed??  To make things worse, you straight up accused him of juicing?  Come on.  Maybe you were unaware, but being a heavweight doesn't mean you're jiggly.  There are plenty of heavyweights who are built like superheroes.  Just becuase you look like the Michelin Man doesn't mean it's the norm...

After the fact Wes retracted the monkey comment, but I'm pretty sure that this doesn't qualify for taksie-backsies.

In Closing:

You have definately earned your spot in UFC Reject Fighting... um... Strikeforce Reject Fighting... no... Adrenaline Fighting.  Punk.

UFC 111 Welcomes Nate Diaz vs. Rory Markham

It's official, Nate Diaz will make his debut at 170 on March 27th in Jersey. 

Woo freakin hoo.

I really am not too excited about this, I'm not gonna lie.  I really hope Diaz gets his booty handed to him.  I mean, I can see a move up in weight if you are dominating your weight class (a la BJ Penn or Anderson Silva) but Diaz has been mildly underwhelming.  I mean, 4 of his last fights have gone to decision. 

That is not establishing dominance.

Oh well, I guess it will be interesting to see what his new excuses will be with the new weight class.

Markham is (1-1) in the UFC and is coming off a loss to Dan Hardy who is now the #1 contender, facing GSP in March.  At his debut he earned "Knockout of the Night" honors in his win against Brodie Farber.

We Shall See...

::scoff::

Three Cheers: Mixed Fight League

Props to MMA Mania for the pic

I love these feel good stories.  I say Three Cheers for charity!  I, personally, am pretty psyhed that Tommy Murphy is fighting on this card (mainly because I worked with his Momma, and he was able to get me GSP's autograph!!) 

So, here's the deal.  This event is set to take place in Montreal on Saturday February 22.  Doors open at 6:30p, fights start 7:30p

TICKETS ARE STILL AVAILABLE.

If you happen to be up in the Montreal area you should check the fights out.  $2 from every ticket will be donated to the Red Cross to benefit the earthquate victims in Haiti.

For more info check out the MFL Website (Beware, it is in French)

::HURRAY::HURRAY::HURRAY::

Interim Belts are No Fun... but Why Not?

So I was thinking last night as I usually do when struggling with the Sandman, and a thought came to me.  Miraculous, I know.  So here it is:

Why doesn't King Dana stretch out this whole Brock title defense fiasco??  I know that it isn't normal for a current champ to fight in a non-title fight, but since when is Dana conventional?

Here is what I think should happen because unfortunately, Brock always brings tons of PPV buys:

Brock "The Toolbox" Lesnar should come back in July as planned and Dana could bill it as

"Brock is Back"

Brock returns from his battle with death to face the winner of the Big Nog/ Velasquez fight.  Does he still have what it takes to dominate the heavyweight divison?? 

::I can see Dana rolling in the dough now::

Followed By a Title Defense in December:

"Brock is Back: Part Two"

Brock Won: Brock proved to us all that he has recovered from his "mystery illness" and was able to train and come back strong as ever.  He is now ready to face the Mir/Carwin winner.

(::cough::Carwin::cough::)

Brock Lost: Brock was unsuccessful in his post-illness debut, but let's chalk it up to Ring Rust, it affects the best of the best.  He was able to have a stronger training camp, and will come back a new and improved fighter.

Yes, I understand there are loopholes in my thinking (as there usually are, and as Josh was more than willing to point out-- Boo You for not agreeing with me) but I think King Dana would be able to make a lot of money if he listened to this idea. 

I mean, after Mir was out for 14 months they stripped him of his title and didnt' give him a title shot until 6 fights after his return.

So basically, Brock will have been out for 12 months, just 2 months shy of when they stripped Mir of his title, and that of course, is assuming he actually returns in July.

Ideally, they should strip Lesnar of his title and put it up for Grabs on March 27th, that way we could avoid the whole "interim title" bologna.  But since I know Dana won't do that to his cash cow, I don't think he should be able to defend his title right away either. 

In the end I guess it doesn't matter too much though, becuase when "The Toolbox" faces "The Engineer" we will be left wondering only one thing:

Does the UFC have a good return policy on used Toolboxes?

Slightly Dillusional, I think Yes.

Fastforward this fight 36 seconds and you would see...

rear naked choke.

::end::scene::

My daily Twitter check gave me a good ol' chuckle today. 

Tim Sylvia tweeted this morning:

Timsylviamma: If the ufc or strike force calls I will take any fight but I will not fight for peanuts.

about 12 hours ago from mobile web

hahahaha... yeah, that's a good one. 

I think Hell would freeze over before the UFC brought Sylvia back, and it is highly unlikely that Strikeforce would hire him.  Maybe for a one time wham-bam-thank-you-ma'am but that's it. 

Sylvia lost 2 of his last 3 fights in the UFC... he also lost 2 of his last 3 fights outside of the UFC.  Granted, one one to Fedor, and there is no shame in losing to Fedor, however, his other loss was a 9 second knock out to a 48 year old ex-boxer.  Way to go.

I think that Sylvia should stick to his Turkey Huntin' videos.

Back in the Day: Matt Hughes

Photo Courtesy Middle Easy


Hahahahaha... yeah, I would like to say that I am surprised that Hughes had a raging mullett, but I am not. 

From now on when he gets all "Matt-ty" (a.k.a. Douchey) I will think of this picture.

I've Got to Give Credit Where Credit is Due...

So here Josh comes waaaay out of left field.  Before Strikeforce on Saturday, Josh made a comment that after Lashley beat Simms he should fight Brett Rogers.  I dismissed it as Josh just talking because I kinda thought that Lashely would fight a few more nobodys before he got a shot at someone like Rogers.  But way to go Josh!  You nailed that one right on the head.

There is already chatter of this fight in the works...

Oh, and I talked to him about the possibility that Tim Sylvia and Wes Simms might fight in March.  He was also mildly underwhelmed by this matchup.  He even pointed out that with a week or two of training he would be willing to take on Tim Sylvia.

I say go for it!!!